I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Quick, to the slutcave!
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize