at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
did i just pee glitter
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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