he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
