my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
I puked a lego.
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'll feed you vitamin c from my mouth this weekend. Like a baby bird.
Promise??
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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