Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
