I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
If one more dude who finds out I'm a cop asks to see me in uniform I'm gonna become asexual
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
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