I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
