see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
