I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
