i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
Are we still banned from the library?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
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