His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
