Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
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