there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
We set around a table in a hotel room and he spoon fed Molly to everyone there... I felt sketch for sec but then... Oh well.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Randomize
