I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Randomize
