Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
