We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize