i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
