at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
The only birthday messages I got from men were from my 8th grade boyfriend and the bouncer at our bar. I think I'm doing something wrong in life.
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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