She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
