if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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