So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
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