I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
