so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
