I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Two words: blizzard sex
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Randomize
