So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Randomize
