Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Randomize
