do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
