happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
everyone is single if you try hard enough
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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