walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
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Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
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