dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
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