She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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