Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
if only i could text you this smell
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
