Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I told him if he cums in my mouth he has to buy me a cake that says "sorry I came in your mouth"
No don't worry! What are obnoxious, alcoholic, slut roommates for if not for uplifting words and tales of my folly?!
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
