No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
