Fuck appropriateness.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I just want to be able to run around naked and eat grass with no judgments and have people feed me and expect me to sleep all the time.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
Randomize
