I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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