New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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