I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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