well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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