Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Randomize
