If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
