we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
