Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
I just found puke in my bra..
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
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