The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
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the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
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I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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