Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
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