Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
Randomize
