i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Can I color on your dick again?
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Randomize
