Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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