What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
When are your genitals available?
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
Randomize
