I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
I don’t care that he’s a decade younger. He’s cute and I need a good penising
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