So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
