I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
