I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My liver is preforming stress tests.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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