More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
