I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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