he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Randomize
