I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
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I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
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ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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