two words: eviction party
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
Randomize
