Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
The guy like flippppped out and made me pay $15 for a car wash. I thought I was being extremely courteous by making sure to puke outside the window
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
