remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
On the good side I got hit on by a cute college guy. But the bad side was having sex in a frat house for first time in 9 years
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