I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
