if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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