mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
Randomize
