Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
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